5.6.23

I had another follow up with my oncologist this week. This time to talk over hormone therapy. I am really struggling with this. I don’t want to do it. The whole point of taking this is to lower the risk of early breast cancer coming back locally and to cut down the chances of getting breast cancer on the other side.

Warnings:

• Stroke
• Blood clots in the lungs/legs
• Cancer of the uterus
• Cataracts
• Liver problems, including jaundice

Side Effects:

• Hot flashes
• Nausea
• Leg cramps
• Muscle aches
• Hair thinning
• Headache
• Numb/tingling skin may occur
• loss of sexual desire or ability (in men)

I hate that I have to trade the chances of getting one kind of cancer for another. I feel like I am betraying myself, like I have a total lack of regard for my convictions. I’ve never been big on taking extra medication.. (I didn’t with my c-section or my mastectomy). Now here I am having to take a hormone therapy pill, for the next 5-10 years… 🥴 It’s really hard for me to accept/wrap my head around. As I drove home from the pharmacy I couldn’t stop the tears from coming. On the plus side, I don’t seem to have too many side effects when I have taken medication. I’m thinking of the recent stuff I’ve just gone through: MRI contrast, anesthesia, AC, and taxol. Hopefully this won’t be any different! Although, it sounds like hot flashes seem to be a fairly common side effect that I’ll have to deal with. 🙄

My oncologist would like me to take tamoxifen for at least a month and see how I handle it. If all goes well, we’ll discuss when to start the shot that I’ll have to get every month to shut down my ovaries. The goal is to have as little estrogen in my body as possible and to block the estrogen receptors since that is what my cancer was feeding on. One of the downsides to getting the shot, besides the fact it’s shutting down my ovaries, it needs to be administered by a nurse, which means I have to go in every month to get it. 😒

On a more positive note, I had a second consult for reconstruction last week that went really well! This place is in Texas. They specialize in breast reconstruction, specifically with nerve restoration. They are in network!!! And, I could possibly get in this summer! I have a CT scheduled for later this month to make sure that when we do the reconstruction there aren’t any surprises. I am doing a DIEP flap reconstruction. They will be taking a flap of tissue/fat from my from my abdomen and putting it where the breast tissue was. It involves a 2-3 day stay in the hospital with a lot of monitoring (they reconnect all the blood vessels and need to make sure everything goes ok and there is no necrosis). It’s a longer recovery time but the results are more natural. I’m not 100% sure I’ll be going to Texas for this, but I would like to.

I do have a few of prayer requests:

1) Please pray that I don’t have any side effects from the tamoxifen and that I’ll be ok with taking it. I hate that I have to.

2) That my upcoming CT scan would go smoothly.

3) For wisdom, discernment, and things would go smoothly as I plan my reconstruction.

4) I’m still dealing with some edema in my left ankle.. Last time it got noticeably larger was Easter Sunday. 😬 I don’t know that anyone else would notice it now, but I do. My skin feels tight around my ankle whenever I move it. I was hoping that it would have gone away by now but it hasn’t.

5) My left shoulder is starting to hurt like my right shoulder did last March. It got so bad that I couldn’t lift a cup of coffee. I ended up going to a chiropractor and doing some physical therapy and it all kind of worked itself out… Then we found out I had breast cancer on that same side. It’s a little unnerving.. I know I don’t have cancer on the left side. At least nothing showed up on my mammogram or MRI and I just got done with 5 months of chemo. But none the less it feels a little deja vu… I don’t think I fully realized how much my cancer diagnosis has affected me mentally. I keep thinking ok great here we go again. I know that’s silly, but that’s what I mean with the mental aspect of it. The old me would have just shaken it off as annoying- I did with my right shoulder until it got so bad I had to do something 😬🤣🙂So, I’m working on taking all my thoughts captive. 😉🙂 Prayers that it would work itself out soon and that I won’t worry it’s a sign of something more serious.

He was working on a new way of holding his gun for trap… he got his mistake fixed but not before it left a mark! 🤣😬🙂 Pretty proud of this kiddo. His new personal best is 24! (out of 25 for those that don’t shoot trap.)

I had the opportunity to speak to some 7th and 8th graders about photography. It was the first time I wore my survivor bracelet. I’ve had a hard time putting that one on. At what point am I considered a survivor? At first I thought of that one as one for when I conquered cancer. But how do you know it’s gone? You don’t. Plus you are surviving every day when you are battling an illness/medical condition. 🙂

Colt had to get a cavity filled. The dentist was pretty adamant about not letting him bite his lip, as you can see by the white cotton tube in his mouth. We did such a good job of making sure he kept that in there and didn’t bite his lip.. until the drive home. I never in a million years would have thought you could get such a fat lip from biting it!! It’s a lot better now, but the poor kid cried drinking water because it hurt so much! He basically had a huge canker sore from his lip to his gum line!

As of right now, I have two eyebrow hairs on each eyebrow (lost everything but those) and I have baby eyelashes!!!

My fuzz at 5 weeks after chemo!

He brought his bear out to remind me we had matching bears. ❤️