4.22.23

Be still and know that I am God.

Psalm 46:10

That verse has been bouncing around my head off and on for the past week and a half. Guess what verse my mother-in-law shared with us Thursday afternoon when she was checking in. Yep, you guessed it, Psalm 46:10. 🙂 She shared this person’s take on the verse, which I thought was good too.

Hello everyone! Yes, there is a much deeper meaning to "be still". Today in church our pastor taught on the Bible scripture, "Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10 "Be still" means to stop striving, stop fighting, relax. It also means to "put your hands down". Sometimes we put our hands up to defend ourselves from all that life can bring our way. We put up our hands so that we can fight things off. 

To "know" means to purposefully and intentionally think about God (who He is and how good He is to us).

So, to me, "be still" means to put down my hands, stop fighting/striving and purposefully think about God and how good He has been to me and will continue to be................... 

My chances for local reoccurrence fall somewhere in the range of more than 10% but less than 30%, with one of the radiation oncologist saying mine was more around 15%. When we first found out I had cancer we did the oncotype test and found my cancer didn’t rate high on responding well to chemo. It wasn’t until we found the micrometastasis spot in one of my lymph nodes that chemo was put on the table. We decided to do chemo because my oncologist wanted to treat my cancer case aggressively. The spot on my lymph node was not big enough to show up on the MRI or in the freeze test they do right away (while I’m still in the operating room). It wasn’t until they dissected my lymph node that they found the cancer. I didn’t want to do chemo. I even felt sick to my stomach at the thought of having to do it, but I knew that’s what I needed to do. I have been praying that God would give me a peace about what decision to make in regards to radiation. My choice: I’m not going to do radiation. I feel more comfortable with not doing it than doing it. I keep coming back to they aren’t telling me I HAVE to have it. One radiation oncologist told me he didn’t feel the risk was worth the possible survival benefit for me and another radiation oncologist said that while she couldn’t guarantee it, if it were to come back locally it would more than likely come back in the skin. She told us what to watch for and how they would treat it if that were to happen. We got clear margins in surgery and as an extra measure we did chemo (which infiltrates my lymphovascular system as well). I feel we’ve gone above and beyond with what we’ve done so far. I don’t think taking the extra risk with radiation is worth it for me. It is surreal for me to think: now we’re done. That’s it. It’s only been five months of treatments, but it’s been f i v e months of treatments. To just be done is weird to think about especially when it’s my choice. A fun little side note: this was my first week of no doctor appointments in the last five months! It was nice to not have any places I needed to be! 🙂

I want to thank you all again for your continued prayers as we were weighing all the pros and cons.

 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7

When you have a peace about something and can’t really explain why you just know that’s a God thing. I don’t know if my cancer will come back again. I don’t know if I’m making the right choice. But I feel good about my decision. I don’t feel sick to my stomach wondering if I’m making the right decision. I think I’m more “concerned” of having to defend myself for not doing it. When you go through something life altering it can make you reevaluate things. What can I do naturally to lower my risk of a cancer reoccurrence? I plan to make some lifestyle changes, like being more mindful of what I eat/drink and to make sure I exercise more regularly. I want to be the healthiest version of me moving forward. Now that my energy is returning I’ve been a little more determined to get out an walk again. Which has felt great!

First dandelion of the year. So he picked me a “flower” ❤️

Easton: 0 Tucker with a stick: 1

My fuzz at 3.5 weeks post chemo. (I never lost this hair.) I don’t feel like it’s changed much since we finished but plan to take weekly pictures to document it’s growth. Don’t worry I won’t be posting those weekly!! 🤪🤣 I have absolutely no eyelashes!! 😳 I Googled when eyebrows and eyelashes come back after chemo… 4-6 months for eyebrows and it can take up to a year for the eyelashes to completely fill in!! I sure hope they both come in sooner than later! And last but not least, the glue is off! I have a slight bump where my port was. I’m guessing that it is scar tissue from where I felt him separating the tissue that was stuck to my port. 😬 It’s so nice having it gone!

Yes, we still have a dog, but he is pushing his luck! 🤪 I was so mad when I saw what he did to my end table!! 🙄 And just for the record our makeshift doggy gate does not work… that little stinker can still wiggle his way through! 😬🤣 I find it so interesting the changes in my heart rate from when I was on chemo vs not having it… It definitely affects everything! Aaron’s grandma Julaine makes the best oatmeal buns!! She sent some up a couple weeks ago. They were d e l i c i o u s !

I started walking daily again. (Or at least try to get a walk in daily.) It wasn’t raining when I started… 😬☔️💧 I am terrible about checking our weather! I think Mom knows more about what the weather will be like for me than I do and she lives in another state! 🤪🤣🙂 Needless to say, I was just a little wet when I got home. Friday I changed up my route and walked past our church. How thankful I am that the words from this hymn are true! ❤️

'Because He lives, I can face tomorrow, 
Because He lives, all fear is gone; 
Because I know He holds the future, 
And life is worth the living just because He lives.'