5.18.23

Today marks two weeks since I’ve started Tamoxifen.

Last Wednesday I woke up and felt completely drained. I just wanted to curl up and go back to sleep. 😬 On top of that my joints (neck, back, hips, and knees) hurt. Whenever I would get up to move I could barely walk. I also had a slight headache. I felt like I was in a fog… Around noon I finally broke down and decided to take some ibuprofen. Once that kicked in I felt a lot better, enough so that I went out for a walk. 🙂 I’m hoping that my body will adjust and the side effects won’t be too bad. I refuse to get prescribed another RX to “take care” of these side effects, that’s one road I don’t want to go down!

The next morning wasn’t so bad. I woke up feeling a little stiff and nauseous but to be fair I’m not sure if the nausea was from the Tamoxifen or because we were up late getting back from the ER. Evalyn decided last Wednesday night at church would be a fun time to break her finger. We have decided they are called sidewalks for a reason. You should walk on them and not run! She tripped and fell and as you can see her hand took the brunt of it. You know it’s bad when your daughter comes to get you telling you her sister fell and you say it’s ok and start to brush it off and she goes “No, Dad said “Get Mom.”” 😬 Sure enough, when I saw her hand I knew her finger was broken. Aaron dropped Ev and I off at the ER, ran the rest of the kiddos home (we had 4 extra kids with us), and then came back to Eau Claire when I texted we were almost done. She handled it like a champ! She said the worst part was the shot to numb her finger. We had a follow up Friday where we learned she actually broke two fingers! Her ring finger and her pinky finger! We have another appointment scheduled tomorrow. We’ll get another x-ray to see how it’s healing (it’s very close to her growth plate, they don’t think it will affect the growth though.) They want to watch it so unless something changes tomorrow, we’ll be going in once a week for a couple weeks. She will also get a hand splint vs what she has now. They want her moving her joints.

I’m really hoping that last Wednesday was a fluke and I won’t feel like that again!! It was pretty miserable! It seems like joint pain is going to be a thing for me. I can feel it in my hips like when I was at the end of a pregnancy. If that’s all it is, it’s annoying, but I can deal with it. I’m a little slower getting up and am feeling a little old. I can’t make fun of dad anymore. 🤪 Maybe I’ll have to get a little video clip of us trying to walk after we’ve been sitting for more than 10 minutes! 🤔🤣🤪🙂

Last week was a rough one for me. And when I say rough I mean, there were lots of tears and focusing on what I have lost. For example, one thing I was having a hard time accepting: I won’t get to experience menopause like a “normal” woman. I know that sounds so silly. My body was thrown into menopause during my chemo treatments. One month I had my period, the next I didn’t. My period hasn’t come back yet and I doubt it will because 1) I’m taking hormone blocking pills and 2) I will be getting a shot to shut down my ovaries. As I’m sharing with you one of my struggles I’m also giving myself a little pep talk. 🤣 This is such a small problem to have. And things could be so much worse. It’s just hard to remember that sometimes when you are in the thick of it. 🙂 (I also know I need to grieve what I’ve lost/won’t get to experience/do whatever that may be.) Some days are going to be great and other days are going to be hard.

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:22-23

I have another prayer request. It’s not really a new one but specific. Prayers for wisdom, discernment, and peace. We’ve been faced with some hard decisions. Sometimes the decisions were already decided for us (as in not being able to guarantee getting all the cancer with a lumpectomy) other times they were more open (like choosing not to do radiation). Can I just say I’m tired of making decisions?? Especially permanent ones! Before my reconstruction surgery can be scheduled I have to decide if I want to have a prophylactic mastectomy. (Surgery to remove the other breast tissue). The type of reconstruction I want to do (DIEP flap) can only be done once. I don’t carry any of the known genes for breast cancer but I did develop it and was diagnosed young by their standards, therefore I am considered high risk. I was told I have about a 30% chance of developing breast cancer on my left side. Tamoxifen decreases my chances by about 50%. Just for the record, the average woman has a 1 in 8 (12.5%) chance of developing breast cancer in her lifetime. As a high risk patient I will have to have yearly MRIs and mammograms offset by 6 months. That means I could possibly have 30 more MRIs in my lifetime. (Not sure at what age they would stop doing them?) There’s a lot to consider, if I chose to do the prophylactic mastectomy that would eliminate the yearly MRI and would obviously lower my cancer risk. Without going into details there are some significant cons to that choice as well.

On a more positive note! Thank you for praying about my shoulder. I noticed a couple days ago it isn’t bothering me any more!! That’s a huge relief, especially since when my right shoulder started hurting that lasted a couple months… 🥴

We were up north for our nephew’s confirmation and I had to snap a pic with Paul. He’s one of the Larson men that get to enjoy having more hair than me for just a little bit! 🤣

Those eyelashes are growing!!! The pics are from last week (6wks post chemo). I’m 7 weeks now and wore mascara on my tiny little lashes for the first time to Bible Study last night! 🤣❤️ You still can’t see them, but Aaron said he could tell a difference when he got home. 🙂

Look what else I found!!! Eyebrow tattoos!!! 🤪🤣🙂 Now I don’t have to worry about rubbing them off! Or them washing away in the rain! 🤪

So proud of this kid! He shot 92/100 at the Hudson Invitational. He tied for 1st (but placed 2nd based on back runs) for Menomonie. And got 10th place overall in JV (89 participants).

We finally got to celebrate me being done with chemo! ❤️

We finished the league season. He placed first in JV for Menomonie, earned his letter, and at his last practice day he shot a 25/25!!! He still has a couple tournaments left this summer that we’re looking forward to watching.

Today was his last day! The first kiddo done with school for the year!! So proud of him! This was his first year doing school and as you know it wasn’t ideal. Our school year started a week later than originally planned because of my cancer diagnosis and doctor appts like every day that week. He worked hard and now he gets to officially start his summer break!! ☀️😎