3.4.23

Our consult on Thursday (3/2) with the radiation oncologist did not go as I had hoped. You could say it went how I think we expected it to. I was just really, really hoping for some good news. From the very beginning I’ve been told I’m a unique case. My cancer doesn’t quite fit the molds. I’m too young for all their statistics. Yesterday he said I was “relatively” young and then scratched that and said. No you are just young. We have had the rug ripped out from under us every step of the way.

1. The lump was cancerous. (The doctor that did the biopsy was almost sure it wouldn’t be because of my age and no family history.)
2. We thought it was just the lump and was hoping to do a lumpectomy and life would go on. (The surgeon said she couldn’t guarantee she’d get all the cancer with just a lumpectomy- so mastectomy it is…)
3. According to my mammogram and MRI the cancer looked to be localized. No chemo needed. (I needed a 2nd surgery to get clear margins AND there was the tiny spot in my lymph node and what showed as lymphovascular invasion… chemo was in fact needed.)

One of the positives we were told to having the mastectomy (and under the impression that the cancer was just in the breast) vs a lumpectomy was that I wouldn’t need to do radiation. Guess what. They are at the moment recommending radiation. To say I am disappointed is an understatement. Thursday evening and Friday were very much a rollercoaster of emotions for me. I think what made it all the harder was we spent the first 15 minutes of the consult with him telling us we could do radiation if I wanted but he wasn’t recommending it. He didn’t really see there being a huge advantage to it in my situation. I sat there thinking this is too good to be true. Then he said to hang on a minute, he wanted to step out and look at my pathology report- he had messaged the pathologist about wanting some clarification. When he came back in his view point had done a 180. He said that I wouldn’t regret doing radiation, but I could regret not doing it if the cancer came back. See what I mean about that rug. It totally got pulled out from under me again. It sounds like there will be another doctor looking at my charts so we’ll get a second opinion before treatment were to start. This consult was done “early”. I think typically you’d meet with the radiation oncologist after you are done with chemo. It’s just we have a consult later this month in Madison on reconstruction and I wanted to know before going to that if I was going to have to have radiation.

Emotionally speaking, I’m doing so much better today than I was Thursday evening/ Friday. ❤️ Prayers would be greatly appreciated as we continue in the decision making process. Especially for clarity and acceptance. I know God is in control. Some times I can’t see the forrest from the trees which makes it a little harder… Or maybe the fact that I can’t see the big picture makes it a little easier to take one step at a time? I don’t know. Either way I do know I’m not alone. And I so appreciate all your prayers. On a lighter note if you come to my house and notice I have no rugs you’ll understand why! 🤪