12.2.22
I was told by my oncologist that my hair would start falling out about two weeks after my first chemo treatment. It is crazy how accurate they are!!! Monday morning I woke up for my 2nd chemo treatment. And actually I didn’t notice anything super obvious with my hair. Nothing came out in the shower or while I was blowdrying and straightening it. However at the clinic I did notice the nurses were grabbing a strand here or there as they were messing with my port and giving me my meds. As you know the treatment part went well. I drove home. I decided to see how accurate the doctors are so I ran my fingers through my hair. Aaannnndddd that’s when I noticed it. It wasn’t every time but I was pulling out more strands of hair than I ever had before! (Not sure I’ve ever pulled out more than a strand or two running my fingers through my hair.) Losing your hair with chemo isn’t what you think it would be like. Or I guess I didn’t know what to expect… But it doesn’t come out in clumps. I don’t find it on my pillow case. It’s just when you run your fingers through your hair you get a ton of strands that come with them!
I have mixed feelings on all of this. Part of me is like ok it’s no big deal. We’ll just jump this hurdle and keep moving forward. Then there’s a small part of me that feels like the two year old at the grocery store throwing an absolute fit. Kicking and screaming. I don’t want to cut my hair. I don’t want to be bald. But here we are. I will say when you are losing gobs of hair it makes the decision to cut easier. We’re kind of past the maybe that won’t happen to me. I know that would have been a long shot, but when you see God working so many little things out already and all of the answered prayer to this point, it wouldn’t surprise me if that happened. I couldn’t just shrug off my sisters comment about the maybe you’ll be the one in a million that doesn’t lose their hair. That and the nurse I had on Monday said that she had a male patient taking the same chemo regimen that didn’t lose his hair or his facial hair. Talk about flaming the fire of hope.
Tuesday I had my hair in a ponytail. So I wasn’t running my fingers through it. And I didn’t want to be shedding everywhere. I was going to take another shower but I had my fun little Neulasta body injector on. They say you can shower with it but I guess I’d rather not chance it coming off so I waited until it had done it’s thing, then I can just take it off and shower. All that to say, I didn’t get my shower in until the kids went to bed. I took my ponytail out and started running my hands through my hair. 😳 WOW. What a difference between Monday and Tuesday! Not only did I pull out gobs with my fingers, I had a ton come out in the shower, and when I brushed my hair a ton more came out. 😬
Wednesday afternoon we buzzed my head.
There were some tears. There was laughter. I knew there was no way around it, so I figured I would make it as “fun” as possible. And what better way to do that than to let your kids help? Pretty sure Colton had the most fun! Haha! We told them this is the one and only time mommy would let them cut her hair. 🙂 I now look like G.I Jane. With the amount of hair I was pulling out I figured I’d see some bald patches.. but not yet! Apparently all those hairdressers that said I had a lot of hair were right! It’s definitely an adjustment. It’s weird to see myself in a buzz cut and yet I’m like hey it’s not that bad. Haha who would have thought!?!
A cute little story for you. In prepping the kids for me losing my hair I told Easton that the doctors were going to give me medicine that was going to make me lose my hair. I told him I’m going to look like papa Craig. 🤣 He jumped off his chair ran to find Colton and said “Colton, guess what! Mom’s going to get medicine that is going to make her lose her hair!” Colton goes, “So she’s going to be a boy?” (haha) Easton: “No, she’s going to look like papa Craig!” It’s fun to see how kids process things. The next day Easton asked me how medicine could make me lose my hair. So I explained how it was special medicine to help fight the cancer. That we’re making sure there are no cancer cells hiding in my body anywhere. It has no way of just targeting just the bad cells and because of that it kills the good cells that are growing at the time the medicine is given.
So very thankful for God’s grace on this journey. You don’t cease to amaze me. I wanted to cry as the photos progressed, (and I am sure you have) but you gracefully walked through the process. This is a journey and I pray God will strengthen you and continue to rain His grace down on you!! Much love……
P.S. You really do handle the buzz cut well!! 🙂
Thank you Kelly. Yes, the tears still come when I think about it. I’ve been so incredibly blessed along this journey though. Thankful for all of the prayers as I continue taking it one step at a time. ❤️
Oh my Cassie, what a trooper you are!
Absolutely L O V E how you included your hubby and kids in this part of your journey.
Love the shirts and how you have capture all the moments. You will look back at this and be do glad that you did. Guess it that photographer in us. What a chapter in your book this will be. All I can say is continue prayers and you got this girl!
Much love and hugs,
Julie
Thank you Julie! Once I knew I was going to loose my hair I knew I wanted to include them in the process. I figured there was no way they could mess this up. I’m glad I could make fun memories out of a not so fun moment.
You are beautiful!! How awesome to have the family get involved with your journey. God Bless
Thank you Carolyn! ❤️ They definitely help lighten the mood!
Awe Cassie, part of me wants to cry for you. Don’t get me wrong, you look better than I would with no hair!!! And, as much as I love your dad, you don’t look like him–or a boy– (and he’s a handsome dude). I just know how hard it would be for me. Part of me wants to laugh though, the way you are handling this–yourself and with the children–such grace and humor. It had to be tough for Aaron too, but he cut your hair, what a good trooper. I’m so glad that the other side effects don’t seem to be debilitating. Much love and many prayers.
The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace. (Numbers 6:24–26)
Thank you Kim! I wanted to make it as “fun” as possible. No matter how you look at it, it’s hard. I still have my moments with it but it is what it is. Thankfully hair grows back! (Easton said I didn’t look like papa Craig either! )
I was just showing this to Andy and noticed that the last “picture” is actually a time lapse video!!! What an awesome idea!
❤️ Got that idea from someone else that shared their video with me. So glad I did it!
Oh Cassie, how hard this step must have been for you! Bravo for facing it head on and sharing it all with all of us who love you so much! It’s so neat that you let the kids have a part in the process – what a precious memory you made with them and Aaron. We are praying for healing always, and for God’s grace to abound in ways we can’t imagine – you are a real testimony to His power and presence in your life!
❤️ Thank you Jill. With all the times I cut the kids’ hair I figured it was only fair they get a chance to cut mine. It made the whole process a little more “enjoyable”. It definitely takes getting used to! I’m so thankful for the prayers. Some of these steps are hard to take. Thankfully hair grows back. And this is just a tiny little bump in the road. ❤️
Yes, Cassie, it hurt to watch your hair go. I weep with you, but I also see your courage and hope. Hair does grow back. How soon will it start to grow and will you lose it again before the process is over? You will get to go through the “growing out ” stage. It will be interesting to see how the hair comes back in. “Thou wilt keep him in perfect whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.” Isaiah 26:3
I’m praying for you for all grace to abound.
Thank you Josie. My next chemo drug can cause hair loss too. So, “Worse Case Scenario” would be when I’m done with my chemo treatments in April. And if I remember right, the oncologist said it would start falling out 2 weeks after your first treatment and then will start growing again like 2 weeks after your last treatment. I suppose there’s a slight chance it can slowly grow once I’m done with this chemo schedule this month? But I’m not sure. I won’t hold my breath It will be a pleasant little surprise if it does start growing next month.
Cassie, this brings tears to my eyes. I really admire your courage and strength to bear all of this with such grace. Yet, I’m sure it was a difficult and emotional thing to endure. I am very proud of you and of Aaron, and of Kaden, Evalyn, Emersyn, Madisyn, Easton, and Colton. This must have been a very bittersweet process; I love that you turned it into a family affair. There is something precious about sharing this with your kids and also with all of your friends and family here on your blog. I pray every day for the Lord’s serenity, comfort, and grace to help you through these challenging steps in your treatments. You’re doing great! Sending hugs.
Jenna
Thank you Jenna! ❤️ Bittersweet is a good word for it. Kids have a way of changing your perspective when it comes to things. I really feel they made this day so much easier for me. Kind of hard not to smile through the tears when you see your littles beaming from ear to ear because they get to cut mommy’s hair. ❤️ (I’m pretty sure Colt enjoyed it maybe a little too much?? I may have to hide the clippers after my hair comes back in! )
This is all a big adjustment for me. But it kind of is for everyone else too. I’m not normally a hat person so not only do I have to get used to it, but ya’ll are going to have to get used to seeing me in a hat/scarf. The sooner I “normalize” that the better… right??
(The jury is still out on the wigs.. I should at least go try them out and see what I think. I’ve just heard mixed reviews on them not being super comfortable.. )